Tiny Humans

Questions asked by children, and a few asked by their exhausted parents.

751. Where do babies come from?

Ask your parents. Watch them suddenly remember they left the oven on. Then watch them try to change the subject by asking if you want ice cream. Say yes to the ice cream, but don't forget the question. Parents have given many creative answers over the years: storks, cabbage patches, "the hospital store" and "we ordered you online." One family told their kid that babies grow on a special tree in Moose Jaw, which caused a very confusing school field trip. The real answer is in a book at the library. Marjorie keeps it on a high shelf and will hand it to your parents with a knowing look.

752. Why can't I have dessert first?

You can, once you're an adult. Then you'll feel too guilty to enjoy it. That's growing up. As a kid, you dream of a world where you can eat cake for breakfast, cookies for lunch and ice cream for dinner. As an adult, you finally can, and you do it once, feel sick, and then eat a salad while thinking about your cholesterol. Some fancy restaurants serve tiny desserts first as a joke, which is very exciting for about four seconds. If you eat dessert first, you won't have room for vegetables, which is exactly the plan. Parents know. Parents invented this rule for this reason.

753. Is the floor lava?

Only when someone says so. It stops being lava when Mom says dinner is ready. The rules of the floor is lava are ancient and strict: couches are safe, cushions are rafts, chairs are islands and the coffee table is a mountain. Anyone touching the floor is instantly "melted," which involves a dramatic death scene lasting several minutes. Adults are not exempt. If a child shouts "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" while you're carrying groceries, you must climb onto the nearest chair. That's the law. The groceries can melt. You cannot. The dog never follows the rules and is permanently molten.

754. Do adults have homework?

Yes. It's called taxes, and nobody gives them a sticker for it. Adults also have chores, bills, forms, doctor's appointments and "life admin," which is homework that never ends and has no teacher. At least kids get summer break. Adults don't. Adults have to fill out forms with tiny boxes, remember passwords and read letters from the government that sound like they're written in a secret code. When an adult finishes their taxes, they should get a gold star, a juice box and a nap. Instead, they get a letter saying they made a mistake on line 34. No sticker. Not even a smiley face.

755. Why do I have to take a bath if I'm going to get dirty

tomorrow?

An excellent point that has never once won the argument. Logically, you're right: if you'll be dirty tomorrow, why wash today? By that logic, why eat today if you'll be hungry tomorrow? Why sleep today if you'll be tired tomorrow? Your parent will point this out, and you'll realize you've been outsmarted. Then you'll be put in the bath anyway. The good news is that baths have bubbles, rubber ducks and the chance to make a bubble beard. The bad news is shampoo in the eyes. That's the price of cleanliness. Some kids hate getting in the bath and then refuse to get out. Nobody understands why.

756. Can I keep the worm?

The worm has a family. Also, it has a job aerating the soil. Let it go to work. Worms dig tunnels that let air and water reach plant roots, and they turn dead leaves into rich soil. Without worms, gardens would be in big trouble. A worm in a jar on your nightstand misses its friends, its dirt and its job. If you must keep a worm, make it a proper worm farm with soil, moisture and food scraps, and promise to let it go later. Never put a worm in your pocket. It'll end up in the washing machine, and that's a very bad day for both of you.

757. Why is the sky blue and not purple?

Air scatters blue light the most. Purple got scattered too, but our eyes are lazy about it. Sunlight is made of every colour of the rainbow. When it hits the air, the tiny molecules bounce shorter wavelengths, like blue and violet, all over the sky. Violet gets scattered even more than blue, but our eyes are less sensitive to violet, and some of it gets absorbed high up, so we see blue. At sunrise and sunset, light travels through more air, so the blue gets scattered away, leaving reds and oranges. On Mars, the sky is butterscotch during the day and blue at sunset. Mars does everything backwards.

758. Do teddy bears come alive at night?

Only when you're asleep. They're very good at going back to the right spot by morning. At night, teddy bears guard you from monsters under the bed (see question 783), check the closet and sometimes throw tiny parties with the other stuffed animals. That's why sometimes you wake up and your teddy is on the floor. It fell asleep after the party. Teddy bears were named after US President Theodore "Teddy" Roosevelt, who refused to shoot a captured bear on a hunting trip in 1902. A toy maker heard the story and made a stuffed bear in his honour. Teddy bears have been loyal guardians ever since.

759. How old are you, really?

Old enough to remember when phones had cords, and young enough to still forget why I walked into this room. If you ask a grown-up their age, they'll say something like "29 and holding," "older than dirt" or "a lady never tells." Some adults genuinely forget how old they are and have to do math. Kids are the opposite: they'll tell you they're "seven and three-quarters" with great precision, because every quarter-year counts. Grandparents may say they're "one hundred and two," which is a joke, unless it isn't. Then they'll tell you a story about a time before the internet. It'll be long. Listen anyway.

760. Why do I have to go to bed if you're not going to bed?

Adults have important things to do after bedtime, like eating your leftover snacks. And watching shows with swear words, folding laundry while staring blankly at the wall and eating cereal for dinner (see question 796). Kids believe adults stay up having wild parties. In reality, most adults are asleep on the couch by 9:30 with the TV still on (see question 641). Adults need less sleep than kids, who need about 9 to 12 hours to grow, learn and have enough energy to ask 400 questions a day. Your brain does important work while you sleep. Your parents' brains are also asleep. They just won't admit it.

761. Can I marry my dog?

Your dog already thinks you're married. Save the money on the cake. Your dog follows you everywhere, waits at the door for you, sleeps at the foot of your bed and is thrilled every time you come home, even if you only went to get the mail. That's more devotion than most marriage vows promise. If you held a dog wedding, the dog would eat the cake, chew the ring pillow and roll in the grass in its little tuxedo. It would be the best wedding ever. Some people have held fun pretend weddings for their dogs. The dogs didn't understand, but they loved the attention. And the cake.

762. Where does the sun go at night?

To the other side of the planet, to wake up the kids in Australia. The sun doesn't actually go anywhere. Earth spins like a slowly turning ball, and when your side faces away from the sun, it's night. So while you're sleeping, kids in Australia are eating breakfast, going to school and watching kangaroos hop past the school bus. Then, when it's your turn for morning, they go to bed. You're taking turns with the sun, like sharing a toy (see question 769). Way up north, in summer, the sun barely sets at all (see question 792), which makes bedtime very confusing.

763. If I eat a watermelon seed, will a watermelon grow in

my tummy?

No. Your tummy is a terrible garden. No sunlight, no gardening tools. Seeds need soil, water, sunlight and time to grow, and your stomach has none of those things, except maybe water from your juice. Your stomach is full of acid that breaks food down, so a watermelon seed would just pass through and go on its way. Many kids have spent a whole afternoon worried about a vine growing out of their ears. It won't happen. If it did, you'd be a walking watermelon farm, and you could sell slices at a summer fair. That would be very profitable, honestly.

764. Why does Grandpa have hair in his ears but not on his

head?

The hair moved. It found a quieter neighbourhood. As people get older, the hair on top of their heads can thin out, while hair in other places, like ears, noses and eyebrows, often grows longer and bushier. Scientists think it has to do with hormones that affect different hair follicles in different ways. Grandpa's eyebrows can become so thick they look like two caterpillars having a meeting. Some grandpas grow ear hair long enough to braid. Don't braid it. Grandpa won't like it. Unless he's asleep in the recliner (see question 493), in which case you have about 20 minutes.

765. Is the tooth fairy rich?

She has millions of teeth. Her net worth depends heavily on the tooth market. Surveys suggest the average amount left for a tooth has gone up over the years, which means the tooth fairy has had to deal with inflation like everyone else (see question 370). In some families, she leaves a coin; in others, a whole $5 bill, which makes kids from coin families very suspicious. Some tooth fairies leave notes, glitter and tiny receipts. In other countries, a mouse collects the teeth instead, like Ratoncito Pérez in Spain. Nobody knows how the fairy and the mouse divide the territory. There are rumours of a turf war.

766. Can I have a pet dinosaur?

The closest thing is a chicken. Chickens are tiny dinosaurs with better manners. As question 553 explained, birds are living dinosaurs, so a chicken is basically a small, feathered T. rex that lays eggs. A pet chicken will follow you around the yard, eat bugs and scream when it lays an egg, which is very dramatic. If you want something with more teeth, try a bearded dragon or a tortoise; tortoises look prehistoric and can live for 100 years. You could also get a goose, which is the most dinosaur-like pet of all, but Brent says that's "insulting" and has asked you to reconsider.

767. Why are vegetables healthy if they taste bad?

That's the deal. Everything good for you comes with a little suffering. Kids actually have more taste buds than adults, and they're more sensitive to bitter flavours, which is why broccoli and Brussels sprouts taste awful when you're little and better when you grow up. Your taste buds are protecting you from things that might be poisonous, which is very responsible of them, but annoying at dinner. The good news is that if you keep trying a vegetable, you'll often learn to like it. The bad news is that it takes about 10 tries. That's a lot of broccoli. Add cheese. Cheese helps everything.

768. Are we there yet?

No. Ask again in exactly 4 seconds. Then ask again 4 seconds after that. This is the oldest question in travel history, asked in covered wagons, on trains, in cars and, someday, on the way to Mars (see question 508). Studies of family road trips suggest kids ask this many times per trip. Parents have tried everything: snacks, songs, games, "look, a cow!" and the threat of turning the car around (see question 450). Nothing works. The only true answer is "almost," which buys you 10 minutes. Then you'll need to say "almost" again. Then "really almost." Then you arrive. Then it's time to go home.

769. Why do I have to share?

Because one day someone will have the last cookie, and you'll want them to know about sharing. Sharing is a boomerang: what you give comes back to you. If you share your crayons, someone will share their snack. If you share your toys, someone will let you play with their trampoline. If you never share, you'll end up alone with a pile of stuff, like a dragon on a hoard. Dragons look rich, but nobody invites them to birthday parties. Even penguins share pebbles (see question 673). Okay, sometimes they steal pebbles. Don't be a pebble-stealing penguin. Be a sharing penguin.

770. Do fish sleep?

Yes, but with their eyes open. Fish have no eyelids and no shame. Fish rest by slowing down, floating quietly in one spot, hiding in plants or lying on the bottom of the tank. Some fish wedge themselves into rocks. Parrotfish, amazingly, wrap themselves in a bubble of their own slime before sleeping, like a gooey sleeping bag. That's gross but cozy. Sharks need to keep water flowing over their gills, so some swim slowly while half asleep. If your goldfish is floating still with its eyes open, don't panic. It's dreaming. Probably about flakes (see question 786).

771. Can I stay up until midnight?

Only on New Year's Eve, when you'll fall asleep at 9:45 anyway. Every year, kids promise to stay up until midnight, and every year they're found asleep on the couch in a party hat, holding a noisemaker, with chip crumbs on their face. Some clever parents celebrate "midnight" at 9 p.m. by showing a countdown from another time zone, so kids get the fun without the exhaustion. Even adults struggle; many are asleep by 12:01. The countdown is exciting for exactly 10 seconds. Then everyone says "happy new year" and realizes they still have to clean up. The kid wakes up and thinks they missed it. Not true. Nothing happened.

772. Why do adults drink coffee?

Coffee is the reason adults can keep up with kids. It's basically a battery. Coffee contains caffeine, which helps adults feel awake. Kids already have so much energy they could power a small city, so they don't need it. One kid running around a playground uses more energy than an adult does in an entire day of sitting at a desk (see question 709). Adults drink coffee in the morning, in the afternoon and sometimes at night, and still fall asleep at 9:30 (see question 760). Some adults are so attached to their coffee that they name their mugs. Don't touch the mug. Never touch the mug.

773. If I dig deep enough, will I reach China?

From most of North America, you'd come out in the Indian Ocean. Bring a towel. And a submarine. And a lot of time, because Earth is about 12,700 kilometres thick, and the centre is as hot as the surface of the sun. The deepest hole humans have ever dug, in Russia, only reached about 12 kilometres, before the rock got too hot and the drill gave up. That's not even 1% of the way through. Kids have been digging toward China in sandboxes for generations. The record is about one metre, achieved by a very determined kid in Saskatoon who found two buried trucks and a sock.

774. Where do lost socks go?

To a secret island where they live with lost pens and the other earring. Some experts insist it's a village called Lintland behind the dryer (see question 451), but that's only the sock train station. From there, socks take a tiny ferry to the island, which is warm, sunny and full of other lost things: hair ties, bank pens (see question 394), keys (see question 485), mittens and remote controls (see question 465). They live together in peace. Every so often, one of them gets homesick and comes back, appearing suddenly inside a pillowcase. That's why you find socks in strange places. They're just visiting.

775. Can I wear my superhero cape to the dentist?

Yes. It makes you brave, and it hides the drool. Dentists see a lot of superheroes, princesses, dinosaurs and at least one kid per week wearing a full astronaut costume. They don't mind. A cape helps you be brave when the dentist says "just a little pinch." It also gives you something to hold, and if anything goes wrong, you can pretend to fly away. Some dentists have treasure chests full of prizes for brave patients. A cape-wearing patient is very likely to get a prize. That's the real superpower. Flossing is the other superpower. Your dentist will mention it (see question 579).

776. Why does my baby brother cry so much?

It's the only way he can talk. Imagine if you could only complain by yelling. Actually, you do that too. Babies cry when they're hungry, tired, too hot, too cold, need a diaper change, want a cuddle or have just noticed their own foot. Parents learn to tell the cries apart, like detectives: the hungry cry, the tired cry and the "I dropped my soother and it's the end of the world" cry. Babies also cry because the world is new and loud and confusing. Imagine seeing a vacuum cleaner for the first time with no idea what it is (see question 454). You'd scream too. Be patient. He'll learn words soon. Then he'll never stop talking.

777. Is Santa real?

This book is legally required to say yes. Canada Post has a special postal code for him, H0H 0H0, and every year, volunteers help answer more than a million letters sent to the North Pole, in dozens of languages, including braille. That's real, and it's one of the nicest things a post office has ever done. NORAD, the military group that watches North American skies, tracks his sleigh every Christmas Eve, and you can follow along online. If the post office and the military both believe, who are we to argue? Leave cookies. Leave carrots for the reindeer. Leave a note for the geese. They'll be watching.

778. Why does the ice cream truck play music?

To let every child within 3 kilometres know that their parents are about to say no. The jingle is usually a tinkly version of an old folk tune, played over and over until it gets stuck in every head in the neighbourhood (see question 620). Kids hear it from inside the house, through closed windows and over the sound of the TV, and they react like a firefighter hearing an alarm: shoes on, money grabbed, door open. Some parents have told their kids that the music means the truck has run out of ice cream. That is a lie, but a widely respected one. It is a parenting classic.

779. Can I eat the snow?

The white snow, maybe. Never the yellow snow. That's the most important lesson in this book. Also avoid grey snow, brown snow and snow that has been near a road, because it's full of dirt, salt and things you don't want to think about. Freshly fallen snow is mostly water, but it can still pick up dust and pollution on the way down. Some people make "snow ice cream" by mixing clean, fresh snow with milk, sugar and vanilla, which is delicious and very Canadian. Catching snowflakes on your tongue is also allowed and encouraged. It's free, it's fun and it's the only time you can eat the sky.

780. Why do cats land on their feet?

They can twist in the air to turn upright. Toast, sadly, cannot. Cats have a "righting reflex" and a very flexible spine with no fixed collarbone, which lets them spin their front half and then their back half in mid-air, landing on all four feet like a gymnast. Toast, on the other hand, usually lands butter-side down, partly because it falls from table height and only has time to flip halfway. Some people have joked about strapping buttered toast to a cat's back to create an endlessly spinning anti-gravity machine. Please don't. The cat would be furious. The toast would be ruined.

781. If I'm good all year, can I have a pony?

Ponies need a barn, a field and a lot of money. Being good earns you a sticker, maybe a book. Ponies also need hay, a vet, a farrier to trim their hooves, brushing every day and someone to clean up after them, which is a lot of shovelling. A pony in the backyard would eat the flowers, the lawn and possibly the neighbour's hedge. Then it would stand at your window at 6 a.m. staring at you. If you really love ponies, try riding lessons at a stable. You get all the fun of a pony and none of the shovelling. Or ask for a pony book. It's quieter and fits on a shelf.

782. Why do you always say "we'll see"?

"We'll see" means no, but with hope. It's parenting's favourite phrase. Other parent phrases have hidden meanings too: "maybe" means no, "ask your father" means no, but now it's his problem, "in a minute" means 45 minutes, "because I said so" means "I've run out of reasons" and "I'm not going to tell you again" means they will tell you again, about nine more times. When you grow up, you'll hear yourself say "we'll see" to your own kids, and you'll shudder. It's genetic. Everyone turns into their parents. It's the circle of life, and it's very annoying.

783. Do monsters live under the bed?

Only dust bunnies, and they're harmless. Mostly. Also a single lost sock, a crayon, a library book (Marjorie has been looking for it), a toy car and a half-eaten granola bar from 2021. Monsters can't live under the bed because there's no room. It's full of stuff. If a monster did try, it would get tangled in the dust bunnies (see question 489), step on a toy brick (see question 498) and leave in shame. Teddy bears also patrol at night (see question 758). If you're still worried, a flashlight helps. Monsters hate flashlights. They hate cleaning more. Clean under your bed and you'll be safe forever.

784. Can I paint the dog?

The dog has had enough. See question 682 for how pets feel about being included. Paint can be harmful to dogs, who lick themselves and would end up with a purple tongue and an upset stomach. Also, a painted dog would run straight to the couch, roll around in excitement and redecorate the living room. Some people use special pet-safe chalk to give their dogs a temporary streak of colour, but most dogs prefer to stay the colour they were born. If you want an artistic dog, paint a picture of your dog instead. It will hold still. The real dog won't. The real dog will lick the paintbrush.

785. Why does my belly button stick in?

Some do, some stick out. You're an innie. The outies are a different club. Your belly button is where your umbilical cord was attached before you were born; it's how you got food and oxygen from your mom. After birth, the cord is cut (it doesn't hurt), and the little stump falls off, leaving a belly button. Whether it's an innie or an outie depends mostly on how the skin heals, not on how the cord was cut. Innies collect lint, which scientists have actually studied. One researcher collected his own belly button lint for years and kept it in jars. That's a strange hobby. Please don't take it up.

786. Is my goldfish my best friend?

If your goldfish remembers you, you're best friends. Give it time. Goldfish have a reputation for three-second memories, but that's a myth. Studies have shown they can remember things for months and can even be trained to push levers, swim through hoops and come to the side of the tank when they see the person who feeds them. So your goldfish does recognize you. It just doesn't show it with a lot of enthusiasm. It's not a dog. It's more of a cat with fins. Goldfish can live for over 10 years if well cared for, which is a long friendship. Talk to it. It's listening. Probably.

787. Can I have a sleepover with my whole class?

Yes, if your parents never want to sleep again. A whole-class sleepover is 25 kids, 25 sleeping bags, 100 slices of pizza and zero hours of sleep. Someone will cry. Someone will get sick from eating too much candy. Someone will tell a ghost story so scary that three kids call their parents at midnight to come and get them. Someone will get their sleeping bag drawn on. Pillow fights will break out. The dog will hide under the bed with the monsters (see question 783). By 7 a.m., the house will look like a hurricane passed through. Your parents will need a vacation. Possibly therapy (see question 648).

788. Why do I have to wear a coat if I'm not cold?

Because your mom is cold. That's how coats work. Kids generate a lot of body heat from running around, which is why they can play outside in January in a T-shirt while their parents stand by the door in three sweaters. Kids also forget to feel cold when they're having fun, until suddenly they're freezing and miserable and it's somehow the parent's fault. In Canada, coat season lasts about eight months, and kids are expected to wear snow pants, boots, mittens, a hat and a scarf, which takes 20 minutes to put on. Then they need to use the washroom. Every single time.

789. Who made the alphabet?

Lots of people over thousands of years. Nobody asked the letter Q how it wanted to be treated. Our alphabet began with symbols used by ancient Egyptians and was turned into letters by people in the Middle East, then passed to the Greeks and Romans, who added and changed letters along the way. The letter A was once a picture of an ox's head turned upside down. Some letters have disappeared from English entirely, like thorn (þ), which made a "th" sound. Poor Q almost always needs a U to go anywhere. It's the most dependent letter. J was one of the last letters added. It's the baby of the family.

790. Can I skip school to go to space?

If NASA calls, yes. Otherwise, school. And NASA won't call unless you've been to school, because astronauts need to know math, science, engineering and how to fix a space toilet (see question 532). Most astronauts have university degrees and years of training. Some students have talked to astronauts on the space station through amateur radio, which is about as close as you can get without skipping school. If you want to go to space, stay in school. Study hard. Eat your vegetables (see question 767). Then, one day, you might float above Earth, look down, and see your old school. It'll be very small.

791. Why do I need to say please?

Please is magic. It turns "give me that" into "here you go." Saying please shows respect and kindness, which makes people want to help you. It's the first magic word kids learn, followed by "thank you," "sorry" and "can I have a cookie," which isn't magic but is very powerful. Canadians use please, thank you and sorry so often that visitors sometimes find it suspicious (see question 353). Saying please to adults also works great: teachers, cashiers and grandparents all respond better to it. Even robots and smart speakers will do what you say without it, but some people say please to them anyway, just in case robots take over.

792. Is it bedtime because it's dark, or dark because it's

bedtime?

In summer in Edmonton, neither. The sun stays up past everyone. In June, the sun sets after 10 p.m. there, and it never gets fully dark. Kids are sent to bed while it's still bright outside, and they lie awake listening to the neighbourhood kids still playing in the street. It feels deeply unfair. Even farther north, in places like Inuvik, the sun doesn't set at all for weeks in summer, which is called the midnight sun. In winter, the opposite happens and the sun barely rises. So bedtime isn't about darkness. It's about the clock. And your parents being tired (see question 760).

793. Can I keep my baby tooth after the tooth fairy comes?

That's a breach of contract. The tooth fairy has lawyers. They're very small, they wear tiny suits and they carry briefcases full of glitter. The contract is clear: tooth goes under pillow, money appears, tooth disappears. Some kids try to keep both, by leaving a note saying "please let me keep my tooth." Many tooth fairies agree to this, and leave the money anyway, with a note saying "just this once." The tooth fairy is surprisingly flexible. If you try to sell back your teeth later, though (see question 376), the deal's off. She remembers. She has records. She has a lot of teeth.

794. Why do grown-ups talk so long on the phone?

They're catching up on 47 years of gossip. It takes a while. Grown-up phone calls go like this: 10 minutes about the weather, 15 minutes about someone's health, 20 minutes about a cousin who's getting married to someone nobody likes and then a 30-minute goodbye (see question 612). Grandparents are the champions of phone calls. They can talk for two hours and then say "well, I won't keep you," and talk for another hour. Kids talk on the phone by saying "yeah," "no" and "okay bye" and handing it back. That's a 45-second call. Parents wish they knew the trick.

795. Do dinosaurs know they're extinct?

No. That's the kindest part. The big dinosaurs disappeared about 66 million years ago, after an asteroid the size of a city slammed into what is now Mexico. They never knew what hit them. They had no news, no scientists and no idea that one day kids would know all their names and hold birthday parties in their honour. Some dinosaurs did survive, as birds (see question 553), and they seem to be doing fine. Pigeons have no idea their ancestors were giants. Geese, on the other hand, act like they know. They have the attitude of a creature that remembers being 10 metres tall.

796. Can I eat cereal for dinner?

Adults do it secretly every week. Kids just have to wait until they're adults. When the kids are at a sleepover, many parents celebrate by eating a giant bowl of cereal in their pyjamas while watching TV. It's one of the great joys of adulthood. Some cereal companies have even advertised cereal for dinner, which makes it practically official. Cereal is quick, easy and requires no cooking, unless you count pouring milk. Some adults even eat it standing over the sink, which is advanced adulting. If you see your parent eating cereal for dinner, don't say anything. Just let them have this moment. They've earned it.

797. Why do I have to clean my room if it's going to get messy again?

See question 755. This argument has also never worked. It joins a long list of failed arguments, including "why do I need to brush my teeth if I'm going to eat again?" and "why do I need to make my bed if I'm going to sleep in it again?" (see question 452). Parents have heard all of these before, because they said them to their own parents. The answer is always the same: "Because I said so" (see question 782). Some kids clean their rooms by shoving everything into the closet, which works until the closet door opens. Then there's an avalanche. Then you're cleaning twice.

798. Where do thoughts come from?

From your brain, which is a small, squishy computer that runs on snacks. Your brain has about 86 billion nerve cells called neurons, which send tiny electrical signals to each other all day long. Those signals become thoughts, memories, dreams and the sudden urge to eat a cookie. Your brain uses about 20% of your body's energy, even though it's only about 2% of your weight, which is why you get cranky when you're hungry (see question 675). Scientists still don't fully understand how all those signals turn into thoughts like "what if dogs could talk?" It's one of the biggest mysteries in science. Your brain is thinking about itself right now. Weird, right?

799. Why does my shadow follow me?

It's shy and won't go anywhere without you. Your shadow is the dark shape made where your body blocks light. When you move, the blocked area moves too, so your shadow follows you like a loyal dog. In the morning and evening, when the sun is low, your shadow gets very long and stretchy, like a giant. At noon, it shrinks to a little puddle at your feet. Kids have tried to escape their shadows by running, jumping and spinning. It never works. Peter Pan's shadow ran away once, in a famous story, and had to be sewn back on. That's not a real option. Don't try to sew your shadow.

800. Why do you love me even when I'm naughty?

That's what parents are for. Also, you're cute when you're asleep. Even on your worst day, when you've drawn on the walls, painted the dog (see question 784) and dug a hole to China in the backyard (see question 773), your parents will still tuck you in, kiss your forehead and check on you twice before they go to bed. That's not because you were good. It's because you're theirs. Love isn't a sticker you earn. It's a blanket you already have. And yes, they'll still be annoyed about the walls in the morning. Love and annoyance can live together in the same house. They've been roommates forever.